[It's a weight he's too familiar with, too downtrodden and weary about in his own accord. So when the wave hits, he goes under and nearly stays under, arms thrashing in the water as he coughs for breath he can't quite reach. It's a delicate balance, as he knows far too well, but being overwhelmed makes him want to retreat, to stew, to burn in anger at what excuse for a life he'd been given and what horrible luck he'd cursed upon himself to constantly lose, lie, lose some more, lie harder, try to be normal and hope someday, something or someone would be left.
But it's exactly that reason he knows he can;t die yet. He can't. If anything, he has his pride, and he would rather lie his way into stability than let himself be buried under depression. He has to try, he HAS to try, else what good is his own survival? What is it worth?? It hurts, writhing at him like the flame of a furnace, but it's a heat that fuels him. Not to feel better, but to try, even if it means seclusion, even if it means being lonely. He WILL NOT let himself exist purposelessly.
So he pushes himself up, breaking the water with a choking gasp, every muscle tense in that horrible, horrible familiarity of grinning and bearing it for the sake of the whole.]
Re: Time 2.0
But it's exactly that reason he knows he can;t die yet. He can't. If anything, he has his pride, and he would rather lie his way into stability than let himself be buried under depression. He has to try, he HAS to try, else what good is his own survival? What is it worth?? It hurts, writhing at him like the flame of a furnace, but it's a heat that fuels him. Not to feel better, but to try, even if it means seclusion, even if it means being lonely. He WILL NOT let himself exist purposelessly.
So he pushes himself up, breaking the water with a choking gasp, every muscle tense in that horrible, horrible familiarity of grinning and bearing it for the sake of the whole.]