[it's probably nothing you haven't already figured out, but there's a vague mulling and worry over whether his feelings are merely a product of his life-long duty of devotion or actual, genuine feelings. and then he berates himself for that, because it should be a baseless worry, since he knows he's made choices himself without outside influence, that his trust in Dio is absolute, what he feels for Dio is... well, beyond his own description, at the very least. but then he's also made choices that upset Dio. and he doesn't want that to happen.

but sometimes his emotions and the way he has needed to repress them makes him feel like he's fumbling around in the dark when he's left with real freedom about them. and expressing them? he doesn't want to disappoint. what if what he feels is... the wrong way? they are so strong and it scares him, because acting on them is something he has no idea how to. what if...

there are a lot of what ifs, and things are scribbled over and replaced with other words. mostly it just seems he doesn't really want to continue down this particular train of thought, but it's hard not to think about it, and so it continues]