HENWEN PIGS

[soulping]

[ Suddenly, everyone but the select group you're with disappears from the room. Whoosh. So it looks like you all have to collaborate! And EDEN's effeminate voice sounds a little distressed, chiming in through the TV screen as a question pops up. ]

Some poor people had to turn to the Internet for help! It's awful! You have some good advice, right? Let's help 'em! Just type a reply on the keyboard there.

[ There is also a keyboard on the floor in front of the TV. What? What is technology? ]

Comments

QUESTION 1

[soulping]

My girlfriend farted while we were kissing should I break up with her?

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[foxpas]

.......

Re: DISCUSS

[onelevelmeaner]

What the hell?!

Re: DISCUSS

[wherethewildthingsare]

[Let's pretend there's a brail option or something.]

What the fuck.

Re: DISCUSS

[robitussin]

I hate this game so much already.

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[wherethewildthingsare]

[SOMEONE ELSE TYPED IT, PROBABLY.]

"Yes, you should definitely break up with your girlfriend. Normal girls don't fart when they're kissing people. They don't fart at all. In fact, girls don't even go to the bathroom. Whenever they say they're using the bathroom they're really just putting on make-up and doing their hair.

So not only should you break up with her, you should make sure to break up with any girl that does any of those things in the future, because they're not normal."

QUESTION 2

[soulping]

What is verified swag and where can i purchase it?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Weird "buzzing" sound in your head
- Having trouble moving body
- Eyes are watery

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[letstalk]

Um, like wagging your tail...? What's that noise?

Re: DISCUSS

[foxpas]

... I don't know.

[so she. takes her sword off. and starts doing pushups? very slow and jerky ones, but. pushups.]

Re: DISCUSS

[wherethewildthingsare]

[Flopping over suddenly.]

What a stupid question.

Re: DISCUSS

[robitussin]

[rubs at her eyes]

What the hell...

Re: DISCUSS

[onelevelmeaner]

[CONSTANTLY WIPES HIS EYES]

I don't know?! Is there a mall? An online website?!

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[robitussin]

You don't need to buy swag, you can use what you've got already to have a swagger few can match.

Make sure to dust yourself with the left overs in the bottom of your cheeto bags. When it comes to style, black jorts with a wallet chain, and a flame printed shirt can't be beaten. If you need deodorant and body spray, go with whatever has a blue flame on it.

Your best chance at attaining this fabled swag is playing Halo for six hours straight and making sure you have absolutely zero friends. Friends draw the swag energies away from yourself, so you have to make sure not to have any so they don't siphon it away like swag vampires. And natural odor contributes, so stop bathing. And shaving.

Prepare to switch to a diet consisting solely of cheetos, pizza, nachos and Mt. Dew.

Pale skin enhances swag so stop going outside.

QUESTION 3

[soulping]

How do i unbake a cake?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Dizzy, nauseated
- Everything is rainbows
- Sleepy/need a nap

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[robitussin]

[...rubs even harder at her eyes]

The fuck?

Re: DISCUSS

[letstalk]

[ JUST

FALLS SIDEWAYS ]

W-waaaaaaah...

SUBMIT

[soulping]

QUESTION 4

[soulping]

Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when im eating dirt?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Snuggly
- Can't stop burping
- Hallucinating butterflies in the room

DISCUSS

[soulping]

SUBMIT

[soulping]