TIAMAT DRAGONS

[soulping]

[ Suddenly, everyone but the select group you're with disappears from the room. Whoosh. So it looks like you all have to collaborate! And EDEN's effeminate voice sounds a little distressed, chiming in through the TV screen as a question pops up. ]

Some poor people had to turn to the Internet for help! It's awful! You have some good advice, right? Let's help 'em! Just type a reply on the keyboard there.

[ There is also a keyboard on the floor in front of the TV. What? What is technology? ]

Comments

QUESTION 1

[soulping]

How do I take care of my pet potato?

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[clocksandroses]

Pet ... potato?

Re: DISCUSS

[unrestrained]

...Like pet cabbage?

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[unrestrained]

Pet potatoes are all the rage in inter-animal-plant species lately. Everyone wanted cabbages last month, now they want potatoes. Who doesn't love potatoes? Mashed potatoes, french fries, potato waffles-- Okay, so that might be insensitive.

But remember that the pet potato is a rare and sensitive breed. You must take proper care of them or they will be eaten within a few hours.

So the first thing you should do is this: Make sure everyone is aware your potato is a pet! Make it a face. Draw it on it or make multiple faces. Then you should make a tiny skateboard-- with straps-- that it can ride around on. This is so you don't always have to walk it everywhere and also it'll learn really cool tricks. Remember to name it, give it a gender, and a story. Talk about it to everyone you meet. Potatoes like that.

To successfully raise your pet potato the second step is to realize that it needs to grow. A potato pet is most happy when it has many stubs, or "tails". To do that you must live in the total darkness of your room, talking to it. The better advice is to move into a walk-in freezer so your potato will always be happy. When you walk it make sure it's only late at night. Also, do it on a busy street, because potatoes like company.

Its tails will help others remember that they should not eat it. Be warned, though, a pet potato will last less time than a goldfish. Unless you have some kind of mutated goldfish.

QUESTION 2

[soulping]

Can you lose your virginity if you fall?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Dizzy, nauseated
- Everything is rainbows
- Sleepy/need a nap

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[unrestrained]

[ yawns ]

Okay. This could be fun.

Re: DISCUSS

[fuhrinkaed]

I guess.

Man.

Everything seems so... shiny.

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[fuhrinkaed]

If not, you aren't falling right.

QUESTION 3

[soulping]

Is throwing your hair in the garbage safe?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Weird "buzzing" sound in your head
- Having trouble moving body
- Eyes are watery

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[unrestrained]

[ Covering ears. ]

I see the beginnings of a bad fight movie.

Re: DISCUSS

[fuhrinkaed]

Well... we could go awesome...

'cause it's totally safe...

[I can't... move...]

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[unrestrained]

Yes. In fact, we encourage it. You should probably get on shaving it fast because now it knows you're planning to get rid of it and the transformation has begun. And once its transformed it will turn you and everyone near it into stone, too. WE WARNED YOU NOT TO SAY IT.

QUESTION 4

[soulping]

How do you commit credit card fraud?

STATUS EFFECTS FOR THIS ROUND: Choose one:
- Snuggly
- Can't stop burping
- Hallucinating butterflies in the room

DISCUSS

[soulping]

Re: DISCUSS

[fuhrinkaed]

[rainbow butterflies...]

by making someone's credit card think you're them?

Re: DISCUSS

[unrestrained]

[ too busy being lulled to sleep by butterflies. ]

You get the card to trust you so it doesn't know. And then you start taking their place so no one ever finds out...

SUBMIT

[soulping]

Re: SUBMIT

[fuhrinkaed]

First you have to get to know your credit card target. Talk to it. Find out what it likes, and dislikes. And like, its habits. Learn all you can about your credit card. Review it regularly.

Once you know it, take on its appearance. Go through a roller machine to become flat, and get those numbers stamped into you. Make sure to get a magnetic strip too, it's important. Then, once you're a duplicate, you can like. Charge stuff using their credit? Only it goes to them. And if someone does somehow find you, you look just like them and know them inside and out.

So you're just fine. They can't tell it's not legitimate.

TO ENDGAME

[soulping]

You did it. You defeated Yahoo.