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Canis's heart
The moment you step through the mirror door, you seem to - slip, as if the floor were made of wax, but when you fall there is no floor to catch you; only darkness.
You fall for some time. Eventually, it feels as if you're not falling at all - but rather, floating . . . and some time after that, it almost feels as if you have no body at all. The light from which the entrance of Canis's heart is disappears quickly, and you're left with nothing - not even your own screams, if you have any; nothing seems to leave your throat, and there's no sound at all, besides. Even the rushing of wind is gone, and your own pulse seems to fade away. . .
. . . what penetrates your consciousness next is the soft sound of music. Someway or another, you find yourself on a white platform; you're dressed in plain clothes of your team color, all items gone from your person. In front of you, four stones float; all perfectly square and identical to each other. Each have images - a sword, a staff, a bow and arrow, and a sparkling circle . . . you understand what you must do.
CHOOSE YOUR CLASS
WARRIOR - MAGICIAN - ARCHER - ACOLYTE
CHOOSE YOUR CLASS | IRC: #swordheartonline! | PORT BAGHENNEN | LOCATION SELECT: 1 2 | AREA O█E: S█RE█G█H | AREA █WO: DU██ | AR█A THR██: █MOT█O██ | AR█A THR██: █MOT█O██: 1 2 | ██E█ ██U█: B███████: 1 2 | ?????: ███████ | TRUE HEART
You fall for some time. Eventually, it feels as if you're not falling at all - but rather, floating . . . and some time after that, it almost feels as if you have no body at all. The light from which the entrance of Canis's heart is disappears quickly, and you're left with nothing - not even your own screams, if you have any; nothing seems to leave your throat, and there's no sound at all, besides. Even the rushing of wind is gone, and your own pulse seems to fade away. . .
. . . what penetrates your consciousness next is the soft sound of music. Someway or another, you find yourself on a white platform; you're dressed in plain clothes of your team color, all items gone from your person. In front of you, four stones float; all perfectly square and identical to each other. Each have images - a sword, a staff, a bow and arrow, and a sparkling circle . . . you understand what you must do.
WARRIOR - MAGICIAN - ARCHER - ACOLYTE
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Yeah. I'd protect you, no matter what.
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Talkin' to you like this's wrong. Breaking stuff an' ruining stuff to change him ain't right either.
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Gestures to Devotion, behind him.
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But I wanna know what she has that I don't.
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I broke part of Canis. I tried ta help an' it jus' ended up breaking down on me.
But I'm tryin' to be a good teammate an' a good friend! I ain't any good, I know. But I can't try to do better if he doesn't tell me what I'm messin' up!
But instead of--sticking around he jus' went off with her an' didn't even look back I couldn't--touch 'em at all but he held her an'--
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Love shakes her head, touching at one of Sparrow's barrettes.
"You want to know the difference between you two?
Sparrow was my friend from the very beginning. She's the one person in my life who was there for me, from the moment I first woke up with Aquila, Sirius, Echo, Corvus, and Eltanin. She was there when I died, and she was suffering too. She was there when all my teammates went to sleep, and when I went to sleep, she was there too.
When I woke up, she was happy to see me. Happy. It doesn't matter that she's not Barghest, she was the only person I knew when I woke up - Lepus and Lupus, they've changed, but Sparrow? Sparrow never changed. She's always been someone I could respect, someone who respected me, someone who was especially willing to be with me, despite the team boundary lines. She loves me. She's willing to help me, even if it hurts her. Even though you hurt her when she stayed with me, even though she knew that would happen, she stayed with me anyway. She's someone I know I can trust."
"You become jealous when I'm friends with someone else. You become jealous when you're not the hero, the savior, the one that's needed the most. You're needy, but you only want me because I'm your teammate. You only want me because everyone else loves you, right? And I'm your teammate, so of course, I should love you. Of course, you should love me, too. Of course.
But I don't love you. I don't trust you. And why should I? You say all those pretty little words but you hurt me, you don't respect my wishes, and you even hurt my friend in front of me - because I trust her more than I trust you. You're not just needy, but you're petty too, the type of person who can't accept someone helping someone else because it's not happening his way. You don't bother to be redeeming at all and when you try to help, it always goes wrong. Yet, you expect a stranger to be endeared by that, to like you anyway because hey, you tried, even though you don't ever explain a damn thing - and if that doesn't go your way, you're not willing to reflect on your actions. You're overdramatic and instead of trying to work through your issues you want the easy way out; either you're the hero who saves all the helpless people regardless of whether they want it or not, or you're the victim who tried his best but is never "good enough" for whatever reason, oh, it's never your fault because clearly you're trying but he's not loving you for whatever reason! Surely it's not because of your own actions!
You've blatantly tried to kill yourself in front of me before, only to leave without any explanation. You expect everyone to push for you, but you're never sympathetic to others. You never listen when I do tell you what's wrong, and if you're not the hero then no one else can be.
So tell me, what reason should I have to love you? To trust you? Beyond "because we're teammates"? Beyond "because I want you to"? Can you think of a single thing you've done for me that I should love you for? And the answer had better not be "because I have a pretty face", either."
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You're wrong. Not everyone loves me. I don't want everyone ta love me. I don't want that kinda burden, specially not here, 'cause I can't handle it. I can't protect everyone I can't even keep my own team from dyin'. I'm no hero. I'm jus' a thief. A no-good thief. An' each time I get another memory back it only serves to prove that even more. Even if I call myself Mira here, even if I try ta be Mira, I'm always gonna be the Phantom Thief Dark, too. I 'unno how to stop.
When you didn't want me to touch you, I didn't touch you. When you wanted me to back off, I backed off. I tried to be the kinda person you'd get along with. But y'know what?
I ain't gonna be like Sparrow, ever. I ain't gonna be that open ta attaching and loving those outside of Barghest, 'cause last time I did, they died, everyone keeps dyin' an' I can't stop it an' I hate how much it hurts, I can't cope with tryin' to protect everyone an' I can't deal with losin' those who're important to me.
I listened when you told me what was wrong, when you told me you didn't like bein' touched, when you called me crazy an' disgusting. I don't care who you're close to--you can like whoever you wanna like, but it hurts when I keep tryin' to get along with you an' all you do is deny me. An' I hate it when you make those stupid fake smiles, when you pretend you're okay with shit when you're really not.
So I'm petty an' needy an' get jealous. But you're worse.
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But I'm not asking you to be like Sparrow. I never asked you to be like Sparrow; I told you all the reasons why I love Sparrow, but I never asked you to be like her. You wanted to know.
I told you not to touch me, and you didn't, but that was after I beat your face in several times, after I told you to stop over and over, and after that? You think I'm going to like you? I had to fight to get you to stop.
Emotional manipulation is the worst you can do, and I told you that. I told you you were disgusting because you tried to prove to me that I liked you in some way shape or form because I actually didn't let you kill yourself in front of me. That's blatant emotional manipulation and that's disgusting. That's also something you did. That's the kind of thing you pull off while everyone else is dying, while there are other people who care about you, that's what you try to do. That's disgusting and you're disgusting for doing that. I called you crazy because that's not sane behavior.
I'm not saying I haven't hurt you. This is a mutually hurtful relationship, and we've never gotten along. I know I've hurt you, I know you've hurt me too. But what should I accept you for? Should I love you and trust you because you keep hurting me? You stop afterwards but the damage is always done and you never ever manage to make up for it.
. . . and you're a liar, too. You won't be able to loving people outside of Barghest but you say that you'd love me if I wasn't Barghest? Really? Why do you even want me anyway?
I don't particularly care if I'm worse than you; that's who I am. You're the one who's trying to earn my affection and in doing so, condemn someone else because she already has it."
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I wasn't tryin' to manipulate you at all. Maybe I jus' wanted ta stop I wanted to prove myself to you I wanted you to believe me an' I 'unno how else you want me to do that.
I said I don't care who you love, I jus' said that, I said you can like whoever you wanna like an' I don't care who you trust with your own secrets. I don't lie! Not about shit like this! I'm not like you!
I told her it ain't right to make you love her by goin' around Canis's heart an' manipulating it! It's not right for anyone to be in here! Not me, not her, not Lupus!
An' I'm sick of this! You never listen to me! I try ta listen to you but 'scuse me if I don't understand you when you don't say shit to my face! I ain't a mind reader!
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he's done. he shouldn't even be in here in the first place. ]
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