RATATOSKR

[soulping]

[ you're ushered into a tiny break room, which is SURPRISINGLY WELL LIT! There's some chairs, a single table, fountain pens and inkwells, and a box of (stale) donuts. ]

[ on the table is a single sheet of paper, with the following questions:


TEAM NAME (if made up of multiple teams, choose a new one):

1.) What would you say your skills, as a team are?

2.) How would you define suffering?

3.) How far are you willing to go to achieve victory?

4.) Where do you see yourselves in five years?

5.) What are your team's weaknesses?

6.) What accomplishment are you most proud of?

7.) Tell me about a time you made a mistake.

8.) If you saw another employee stealing from the company, what would you do?

9.) Describe your team.

10.) What motivates you?

11.) What makes you uncomfortable?

12.) Can you say: 'Peter Pepper Picked a Pickled Pepper' and cross-sell a washing machine at the same time?

13.) If I came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?

14.) Calculate the angle of two clock hands when time is 11:50.

15.) Has a member of your team ever killed another living creature? Did they enjoy it?

Comments

[glorifiedtrash]

This is going to turn out a terrible mess no matter what we do. How about we go for broke and try to make ourselves sound like the best applicants possible?

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

[ WHATEVER GETS US A WIN, MAN. ]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Probs.

Let's go for broke.

[glorifiedtrash]

Alright then. First one. What are our skills as a team?

[...looking at them. Looking at the paper.]

I think between the three of us we can say we have all the social graces covered.

[Jotting that down yep]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[Snerks.] Social grace and very honest.

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

Sounds 'bout right.

... that next question though.

[glorifiedtrash]

Exceedingly honest. Good at construction. [You know, in the sense that you have to tear something down first before you can begin...] Loyal to severe fault. Capable of going long hours and putting in all nighters if asked ♥... Goal-oriented.

[Bullshitting +20 right here. But next question!]

...I think that one's pretty obvious for us.

[Just writes down 'failure']

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

[Hey, I can do all nighters.]

Yep.

Hmmm, next one could be a bit tricky. I suppose it should be looked at like we're trying to reach the top?

[glorifiedtrash]

[...] Anything within legal limits as manipulated by the business elect.

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

... as long as it doesn't trample on the success of others as well.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Does sound pretty legalizy.

[glorifiedtrash]

Alright. Where do we see ourselves in five years?

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

[ NOT HERE. ] Having been successful in our goals and striving towards new ones.

[ Except not her because she's the laziest person in the world. ]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Could complete a lot of goals in five years.

[glorifiedtrash]

All right, all right.

[Writing down "Conquered the hell out of our assignment and the next ten assignments given, moving unstoppably onto the next"]

What's our weaknesses?

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

We don't know when to quit.

[Which, let's be honest, is our legit weakness for most of the team.]

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

Bein' a bit honest there, aren't we.

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

It appeals to what she wants.

[glorifiedtrash]

If you want that we might as well just say we're so good at our jobs we outmode ourselves from the system with our own productivity.

[aka we're so fucking badass we make the system too badass to keep being whipped by our badassitude]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Oooo, I like that.

[glorifiedtrash]

What's our proudest accomp- .......

[Just looking at them. Writing down 'knocking irrational people the fuck out']

Okay. Mistake we've made.

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

[ Don't get her started. ]

[thevoidsdarkhorse]

Ah, well....hmmmm.

[I don't want to be honest again for this.]

[glorifiedtrash]

...We were half-hearted in our goal once and as a result failed to achieve a satisfactory quota in the outcome. [He will take care of this, sure.] We see someone stealing, do we tattle or take care of it like the vigilantes we kind of are?

[peoplediewhenikillthem]

[ There's an unspoken "Thank you" in her eyes. ]

Handle it ourselves, don't we?