soulping | ALECTRYON + TIAMAT

[ you're ushered into a tiny break room, which is SURPRISINGLY WELL LIT! There's some chairs, a single table, fountain pens and inkwells, and a box of (stale) donuts. ]

[ on the table is a single sheet of paper, with the following questions:

TEAM NAME (if made up of multiple teams, choose a new one):

1.) What would you say your skills, as a team are?

2.) How would you define suffering?

3.) How far are you willing to go to achieve victory?

4.) Where do you see yourselves in five years?

5.) What are your team's weaknesses?

6.) What accomplishment are you most proud of?

7.) Tell me about a time you made a mistake.

8.) If you saw another employee stealing from the company, what would you do?

9.) Describe your team.

10.) What motivates you?

11.) What makes you uncomfortable?

12.) Can you say: 'Peter Pepper Picked a Pickled Pepper' and cross-sell a washing machine at the same time?

13.) If I came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?

14.) Calculate the angle of two clock hands when time is 11:50.

15.) Has a member of your team ever killed another living creature? Did they enjoy it?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I hope not. I don't like the idea of telling this Echo our team's weaknesses.

[shrugs!]

It doesn't say anything about being honest. Let's make stuff up.

Sounds like a plan.

[ But what if I scratch some words out to change the questions. 'What are your team's weaknesses' quickly becomes 'what are your team?' ]

[raises an eyebrow]

"What are your team?" What's that supposed to mean?

[ Writes down: 75% human. ]

That was easy.

[pfffftahahaha]

Lemme see that pencil. I've got a good one.

Oh yeah?

[ Hands him the pencil, as requested! ]

[takes it, and scratches a few things on the paper]

["What would you say your skills, as a team are?" The ability to eat twenty hot dogs in under five minutes.]

["How would you define suffering?" That feeling you get when you go to pour milk in your cereal and realize the milk is five days expired.]

[ Laughs and shakes her head. ]

This is so much better than trying to answer it seriously.

It's more fun this way, anyway.

["How far are you willing to go to achieve victory?" About 500 feet]

[ Plucks the pencil from his hand.

"Where do you see yourself in five years time?" Celebrating the fifth anniversary of you asking me this question. ]

[snickering to himself]

This questionnaire is gonna be a work of art when we're done with it.

[ "What are your team's weaknesses?" Cake addiction. ]

["What accomplishment are you most proud of?" Waking up in the mornings.]

Hmmm...

[ "If you saw another employee stealing from the company, what would you do?" Help them.

And after erasing her previous answer for weaknesses:

"Describe your team." 75% human. ]

Not bad, not bad~ Though the green guy wants to put "magically seal them for all eternity" for the theft one.

Alright then.

[ Scratches that out and puts his answer down. ]

There's a lot of questions.

[siiigh]

Just like a real job interview.

[ "Tell me about a time you made a mistake." 4.30am. It was dark. ]

. . . that sounds pretty ominous.

[ Scratches out 'it was dark'. ]

Better?

Still ominous, but a little better.

["Has a member of your team ever killed another living creature? Did they enjoy it?" We swatted at a fly once. It wasn't enjoyable because it was messy.]

[ IT'S FINALLY OVER. ]

Well. That was fun. Weirdest interview of my life, it's probably fair to say.

I think it's safe to say we won't be getting the position.

Such a shame.

Re: INTERVIEW DISCUSSION!

carptricks - 2014-03-04 01:12 (UTC) - Expand