soulping | [Lucciola's Heart]

[Lucciola's Heart]

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[nothing else out of order around here, no]

[ Then to the rooms! Or more specifically Lucciola's. ]

[Castling's room should be familiar to you at this point. It's complete with the chessboard and random small things he’s collected. (It’s not much, but still a lot more than what his Guild room had.) The bed is tidy and neat and the chess pieces are stood on each side of the board, ready for a game. On the wall hangs a spare team uniform. There are also a few papers on the small table containing scribbles in Last Exile Greeklish. It’s mostly about vanship controls and navigation. There are also some additional papers with other random text that aren’t apparent in his real room, if you’re that observant.]

[ Going to poke at those additional papers. :o ]

[it seems they're half-hearted attempts at diary entries, but none of them are finished, and none of them are very long either. it's as if he tried, and then gave up in trying to write down his thoughts on... various things; kyriakos, his team, ...friendship and also the strange feeling beyond friendship he has with Rook. as a matter of fact, you'll probably find your own name more than any other name, either as Rook or as Lord Dio. he seems to have had trouble settling on one name only.

there's also some recipes on quite a few dishes and notes on various practical skills he's remembered]

[ Looking them all over to get an idea of the things and feelings he has written down, especially where his own name shows up. Even though he frowns over these looking like given-up attempts. ]

Edited 2014-06-20 18:02 (UTC)

[it's probably nothing you haven't already figured out, but there's a vague mulling and worry over whether his feelings are merely a product of his life-long duty of devotion or actual, genuine feelings. and then he berates himself for that, because it should be a baseless worry, since he knows he's made choices himself without outside influence, that his trust in Dio is absolute, what he feels for Dio is... well, beyond his own description, at the very least. but then he's also made choices that upset Dio. and he doesn't want that to happen.

but sometimes his emotions and the way he has needed to repress them makes him feel like he's fumbling around in the dark when he's left with real freedom about them. and expressing them? he doesn't want to disappoint. what if what he feels is... the wrong way? they are so strong and it scares him, because acting on them is something he has no idea how to. what if...

there are a lot of what ifs, and things are scribbled over and replaced with other words. mostly it just seems he doesn't really want to continue down this particular train of thought, but it's hard not to think about it, and so it continues]

[ ... IS THERE A PEN AROUND. 8l ]

[yes, there's a pen]

[ GOOD.

Finding either a free section on that paper or on the back of it or SOMETHING to write on. FURIOUSLY FEELINGSLY!! ]

As long as you're true to your feelings and your choices, it's okay no matter how they might grow and change over time.

[ Since he ... doesn't want Lucciola to feel like he has any obligation to stay one way in how he feels. That whole mulling about his feelings being born from something like his servitude is something that hits Rook inside. It's not something he particularly wants to end up being true, either ... but at the same time, he wants Lucciola to not feel attached by any obligation to anything. So if Lucciola ever gets to a point of being TOTALLY FREE (which is kind of Rook's main objective here) and decides hey, staying around Dio maybe isn't the best thing for me, peace out yo, he ... would try not to mind too much because Lucciola's absolute freedom and detachment from those things is what he wants more than anything. Kind of a case of IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE mixed in with that whole IF YOU HOLD ONTO X IT'LL HATE BEING THERE BUT IF YOU LET IT GO IT MIGHT WANT TO STICK AROUND.

Anyway continuing under that. ]

It's okay to get upset and angry about things-- people upset each other sometimes, no matter what. It doesn't mean they care about each other any less or can't fix it. Sometimes it doesn't even need to be fixed because upset can stem from things that aren't wrong or bad to begin with. That goes for you, too. You can let things upset you. But don't kick yourself for feeling that way or making somebody else feel that way, whether it was by accident or on purpose.

The only thing that would be disappointing would be giving up on your emotions. Fumble around in the dark all you want-- eventually you'll find your way. You have people willing to help you through it, too, who will be your points of light. So don't stop, and find your way through it all you need to. We'll be here. I'll be here. And even if you trip in the dark every now and then, I'll help you back up. But I'll never be disappointed, even if you trip and fall a hundred times.

What ifs aren't clear answers. You never know what will happen unless you keep going. Sometimes it will be confusing, sometimes it will be scary, and even hurt. But don't stop wondering, thinking, trying. Consider any and everything you feel, and don't just ignore things. We're here to help you with that, too. And me, I always am.

Edited 2014-06-20 23:09 (UTC)

[what you write glows a little on the paper and then just settles. as if it's always been there]

[ That's better. :'|

... glancing over the different names and the back and forth Lucciola seemed to going between too before jotting down one more thing. ]

Call me whatever you want, but don't forget. What I want to be isn't your lord or your better, but your equal. Your friend.

[don't you mean boyfriend]

[ Well that too but. Somehow Lord Boyfriend Dio doesn't have a ring to it with that Lord still there.

... not that I want you to refer to me as Boyfriend Dio.

Even though it'd be awesome. ]