soulping | hiyo haato

[ There's a series of questions written down on the page with space in between each for writing in.

The first question reads: Is having a family really all that important?

If she looks, Natalie will find a pen next to the notebook waiting. ]

[picking up the pen and taking a breath; she has a lot of Feelings about this subject, and she has to think about the best way to put them down

writing the following:]

Yes, but you can pick your own family. It doesn't have to be the one you were born into.

[ there's a shimmer of light, and the second question seems to change and shift a little in response to what she's written. it now reads:

What do you do when the people you want to choose to be your family don't want to be that close? ]

[pausing again before writing: sometimes people put up walls because they're afraid of commitment. keep trying. but if they really don't want to be close... they're not worth your time.]

[ something about the room feels less oppressive. there is still a third question, though:

How do you cope with the people you consider family leaving you? ]

[remember them, and look forward to seeing them again if you'll have that chance.]

[ A tiny goldenbutterfly materializes and hovers close to you. It gives off a faintly warm feeling.

on the paper, a new question appears before you:
Do you have any questions for me? ]

[catching the butterfly, then hesitating once more before writing: why did you want to know? what happened?]

My brother back home left. I think he came back, but I'm not positive.

I want to think of my team as family, but not everyone there feels the same.

The one person who said I was family here seems to be pulling away now.

["I'm sorry... You don't deserve that."]

It's okay. A lot of people have stuff that happens to them that they don't deserve.

["That doesn't make it okay, you know."]

Well, no... but I can deal. There's a lot of people who have it off a lot worse than me. It would be rude to focus on my problems too much.

[ and yet here you stand, right in the middle of them... ]

["That's bullshit. You have to take care of yourself first."]

I don't know how.

["Then you can rely on other people to tell you how."]

But the way I was shown...

[ there's a sound behind you, coming from the living room, like something just fell to the floor. ]

[glancing that way and then back at the paper, but ultimately going to see what fell]

[ it looks as though one of the books has fallen off the bookshelf ]

[going to pick it up and see what it is]

[ along the spine of the book in gold-leaf lettering the word SELFLESS has been printed. it seems like it's part of a series of books, the rest of which are still on the shelf. as she picks it up, Natalie will feel heavier--but also extremely intent on preserving this book. ]

Weird...

[going to look at the shelf and see what the other volumes say]

[ the other volumes say:

DUTIFUL
RESPECTFUL
POLITE
AMIABLE
LOYAL
HUMBLE
OBEDIENT
MATURITY
WISDOM
DOMESTIC
QUIET
SUBMISSIVE
FEMININE
CHASTE
DELICATE
GENTLE ]

[pulling out submissive and flipping through to see what it says]

[ there's a lot of lectures in here about what the perfect lady is supposed to be like ]

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